I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
