I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
