whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
