Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
