dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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