totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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