And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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