My girlfriend figured out who you are.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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