I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
