all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
