The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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