Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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