i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
