I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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