I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
