Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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