i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
