i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
