I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
