Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
