Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
