so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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