Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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