I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
