GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
