Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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