she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
