Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
