Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
