you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
In America we eat man semen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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