Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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