They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
