So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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