i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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