I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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