remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
