I think im going to throw up on grandma
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize