I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
