i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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