you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
