I must be too annoying 4 u.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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