I seem to have left my pride at pride
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
