Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
