I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
