Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
