You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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