something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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