I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
