Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
