grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
