The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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