I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
