Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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