Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
