they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
