he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
