my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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