Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
