Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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