ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
