he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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