Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
