For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
