well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
